Pre-Marriage Information

For those who are not engaged... go to the PICK program. For those who are engaged, here are some things to do:

1. take a class on "Take Back Your Wedding."
   
   WHY? Most weddings are a time of great fun preceded by a long period of great stress. Unfortunately, some couples run into problems with their wedding, typically because a relative wants to "take over."
   
   This one-session class will provide you with practical tips to reduce the stress of planning your wedding and teach you how to work with family members who want to control what you’re doing.
   
    
2. take a premarital inventory.
   
   WHY? A premarital inventory helps you identify your strengths as a couple and the areas you need to work on. It also helps you talk through areas of importance that most couples don't think about before they get married.
   
   AND, couples who take a premarital inventory have, overall, a 15% lower divorce rate! Consider this as part of your marriage insurance package.
   
    
3. take a program in conflict management and communication skills (PREP®).
   
   WHY? Every couple runs into disagreements over the lifetime of a marriage. John Gottman, PhD, has found that even the strongest, most healthy marriages have areas of disagreement. Having disagreements does not create problems. It is how the disagreement is handled that causes marriage to fall apart.
   
   PREP® is a communication, conflict resolution program that teaches couples how to handle the tough issues that every couple will face. It is NOT counseling. This is a program that both men and women enjoy. It is a skills class that shows you how to talk through the tough stuff.
   
   AND, the good news is that research studies on PREP® show that the divorce rate for couples, who learn and use the PREP® approach, is only 5%. For couples who do not learn PREP® it is about 25%.
   
    
4. if this is a second marriage, take the class Smart Steps for Stepfamilies;
   
   WHY? Second marriages not only have a higher divorce rate than first marriages, they also tend to break up faster. Stepfamilies involve a very complex set of relationships.
   
   Smart Steps for Stepfamilies will teach you the skills and information you need to work your way through the complex issues you will be dealing with. Such issues as child discipline ("You're not my dad! You can’t tell me what to do!") and expectations ("You mean the Brady Bunch isn't how we will be in a couple of weeks?"), will be explained in ways that everyone can understand.
   
   You can greatly increase your chances of success by learning what makes a stepfamily succeed and how you can apply it to your new family.
   
    
5. take a class in family finance and how to stay out of debt... or get out, if you're already in it (remember, financial issues are a major cause of arguments in marriage)
   
   WHY? The number one area of disagreement in marriages is how to handle money. Who runs the check book, how much debt should we carry, and how many credit cards should we have are only a few of the issues couples face.
   
   Learning how to establish a budget and keep to the budget will take a lot of stress out of your marriage.
   
    
6. find a mentor couple to work with, either through your church or elsewhere, to talk your way through issues.
   
   WHY? A trained mentor couple can help you talk through many of the issues you will face that you've never seen before. They know how to handle these issues, because they've "been there, done it." A mentor couple can "show you the ropes" before you "tie the knot."

Suggested Reading List:

For those interested in Christian-based information:

A Blessing for the Heart, by James E. Sheridan

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